Video: Stanley Didn’t Have to Die

Stanley Didn’t Have to Die—The Work of Byron Katie

 

An audience member is angry at a loved one who died. She believes that “Stanley didn’t have to die.” Sensing him sitting at the breakfast table with her, she wrestles with feelings of blame such as “He shouldn’t be okay that he died,” “He should be trying to fix this,” and “He should come back in his current, enlightened state.”

Byron Katie takes her through a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. Together they discover some illuminating turnarounds that help her find peace in the passing of her loved one.

“It doesn’t matter what’s in our head,” Katie says. “Is everything welcome there? Is your mind at home with itself? Because if you’re not comfortable with it, it could use a little Work.”

 

For more information, visit thework.com

Event: 5-10 December 2017 No-Body Intensive

The No-Body Intensive, Byron Katie’s four-day guided exploration of your belief system, lovingly questions the main aspects of identity and brings to awareness everything identity is made of. Experience for yourself how identity is created, what it feels like to hold it, and how to un-create everything that isn’t your pure essence.

 

For more information, visit thework.com

Podcast: I Had An Abortion When I Didn’t Want To—The Work of Byron Katie

This podcast is also available on iTunes, click here to listen.

A woman resents her husband because she feels he pressured her into having an abortion.

BK: Get still. “You didn’t want to have an abortion”–is it true?

Woman: I only have yes or no?

BK: That’s it.

Woman: I want a disclaimer (laughing). Yes.

BK: How do you treat your husband when you believe the thought “I didn’t want to have an abortion”?

Woman: I blame him. I treat him with suspicion. I question his motives at every turn.

BK (to audience): I invite you all to get out of your head as she has. Be courageous enough to ask, get still, and see what arises to meet the question. (To woman) Who would you be, living with this man for forty-one years, without the thought “I had an abortion when I didn’t want to.” Look at the difference in your marriage.

Woman: We’d both be free.

BK: What is the cause of your suffering?

Woman: The thought, for sure.

BK: Turn it around.

Woman: I did want to have an abortion.

BK: Feel it. Take responsibility for it. You’ve been trying to get him to do it for forty-one years. You’ve been putting that thought onto him for four decades.

Woman: It feels easier to blame him than to take responsibility.

BK: No one can change my mind. You can talk all you want; My mind shifts or it doesn’t. I can never say someone made me decide anything. There was a moment where I believed what I believed and made a decision. That was all mine—I’m 100% responsible.

 

Vist thework.com

Interview—A Mind at Home with Itself—Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell

 

Click here to listen on iTunes.

Lisa Natoli interviews Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell about their newly released book, A Mind at Home with Itself.

The book is structured around the Diamond Sutra, a Buddhist text whose main point is generosity. “The more you realize that there’s no such thing as a self—that in reality there is no separation between self and other—the more naturally you become a generous human being,” Stephen explains.

Lisa reads briefly from the book: “How can we be generous, not just occasionally, but all the time—every day of our lives? It sounds impossible, but what if it’s not? What if generosity can become as natural as breathing? This book shows you how.”

Katie adds, “No-self means selflessness, which is a fearless state of mind. Other than the thoughts we attach to, which cause fear, we are selfless.”

Lisa and Katie continue delving deeply into the process of breaking free from the trance that keeps us from reality—from our truly generous selves.

NOTE: Over 900 people will meet online to study A Mind at Home with Itself together: https://www.lisanatoli.com/bookstudy.

 

For more information, visit thework.com.

Four Liberating Questions

By Tom Moon, MFT–

Corey came to see me, consumed with hurt and rage. Two years ago, his partner Lyle, whom Corey said “was the love of my life,” abruptly moved out of their apartment and disappeared while Corey was at work. In the following days, Corey discovered that Lyle had been involved with Lyle’s “best friend” for more than a year, and that the two had left the state together. Corey subsequently spent most of his waking hours so preoccupied with angry and vengeful thoughts that his life came to a standstill. He wanted to let go, but he felt completely stuck.

Together, we tried a number of methods to get him unstuck, and what finally did it was a process of self-examination developed some years ago by a woman named Byron Katie. Beginning in her early thirties, Katie was so depressed and stuck in self-loathing that she was often unable to get out of bed for days or weeks at a time. One morning, in a sudden moment of life-changing insight, she saw that her suffering came from her thoughts about her situation—such as “my life is horrible,” and “I don’t deserve happiness”—and not from the situation itself. She realized a simple truth: when she believed her thoughts, she suffered, and when she didn’t, she was happy.

Out of this insight, she developed a process of self-inquiry which she now calls “The Work.” It involves asking four simple questions about each belief that causes us pain:

  1. Is it true?
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
  3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
  4. Who would you be without the thought?

After answering these questions, respondents are asked to come up with a “turnaround,” a sentence expressing the opposite of what one believes. So, for instance, “He doesn’t understand me,” could become, “I don’t understand him,” or, “I don’t understand myself.”

I see “The Work” as a form of self-directed cognitive therapy. It has helped many thousands of people to get out of their mental ruts and to improve the quality of their lives.

Corey and I applied this process to his belief that: “In order for me to be happy, I need Lyle to admit he hurt and betrayed me, and I need him to offer apologies and restitution.”

Here is an abbreviated summary of our discussion:

Tom Moon: “Is this idea true?”

Corey: “Yes!”

Tom Moon: “Can you absolutely know that it’s true?”

Corey: “Well, no, I can’t really know what would happen if he ever did actually come clean with me. Maybe I’d be happier, and maybe I wouldn’t feel any different than I do right now. I’m not much of an expert on how to be happy.”

Tom Moon: “How do you react when you believe that thought?”

Corey: “I feel heavy, bitter, weighed down. I feel vengeful. And I feel helpless because he has to do something in order for me to be happy, and he isn’t doing it.”

Tom Moon: “Who would you be without the thought?”

Corey: “I’d feel a lot lighter and happier, that’s for sure. Lyle would finally really be gone from my life. When I think about him all the time, it’s like he’s still with me every day.”

Tom Moon: “Okay, now turn the thought around into its opposite: The first thing that occurs to me is that I don’t need anything from Lyle in order to be happy. It’s believing that I do that is keeping me unhappy.”

As we talk further, another turnaround occurs to him. “I need to admit that I’m hurting myself every time I ruminate about him, and instead of waiting for him to apologize, maybe I need to apologize to myself for what I’m doing to me,” Corey said.

In the weeks that followed, Corey asked these four questions every time he found himself ruminating about Lyle, and was gratified that his destructive preoccupation gradually melted away. Corey’s experience is not unusual. In my work, I’ve found Byron Katie’s process to be a simple, but highly effective, tool for opening the mind and expanding perspective.

An important advantage of this process is that it is easy to learn. Most of the people I work with are able to use it effectively on their own after just a little guidance and coaching. One easy way to begin learning how to do it is to access Katie’s website (http://thework.com/en), where you’ll find a step-by-step description of how to do it.

 

Tom Moon is a psychotherapist in San Francisco. For more information, please visit his website http://tommoon.net/

Byron Katie: Seeing Things As They Are

An interview with Joanna from, welldoing.org

Byron Katie is a speaker and author, and the creator of The Work, a system that promotes generosity, selflessness and harmony. This extract of her new book A Mind at Home with Itself shows The Work in action:

You’ll notice that Katie is very free in her use of terms of endearment.This annoys some people (not all of them New Yorkers); one reader of Loving What Is grumbled that if she wanted to hear a woman calling everyone “sweetheart” or “honey,” she would go to a truck stop in Oklahoma. To her, these endearments sounded conventional and insincere; for Katie, they are the literal truth. Everyone she meets is the beloved.

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Book Tour: 20 October 2017 A Mind at Home with Itself Hosted by Copperfield’s Books

In A Mind at Home with Itself, Byron Katie illuminates one of the most profound ancient Buddhist texts, The Diamond Sutra (newly translated in these pages by distinguished scholar Stephen Mitchell), to reveal the nature of the mind and to liberate us from painful thoughts, using her revolutionary system of self-inquiry called “The Work.” Katie doesn’t merely describe the awakened mind; she empowers us to see it and feel it, in action. At once startlingly fresh and powerfully enlightening, this title offers us a transformative new perspective on life and death and is certain to become a classic.

 

Podcast: The Meat Industry is the Largest, Most Accepted Form of Violence in the World Today

 

To listen on iTunes, click here.

At the 5-day silent retreat in Engelberg, Switzerland (“Being with Byron Katie”) a Dutch woman questions her beliefs about the meat industry. The situation is that she’s watching an undercover video made at a slaughterhouse in Belgium. As she watches, she thinks, “The meat industry is the largest, most accepted form of violence in the world today.” They continue to question the thoughts on her Worksheet such as “I want the meat industry to stop being supported by millions of people,” “I want the meat industry to be revealed to be just as shameful as the slave industry,” “The meat industry should wake up to the fact that animals are sentient beings too,” “I need the meat industry to listen to scientific research (that shows that eating animals is no longer necessary or moral, because there are so many other sources of protein),” “The meat industry is cruel, unethical, unrealistic, unsustainable, a waking nightmare, and a collective cultural shadow,” and “I don’t ever want to see animals being tortured, separated, transported in unacceptable ways, or murdered for a few moments of our sensory pleasure.” To assume that any human being is less wise or less aware than anyone else is something I would question.

thework.com

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19 October 2017 Conversations on Compassion and The Work with Byron Katie

Step into an evening of radical self-inquiry with Byron Katie, as she launches her new book, A Mind at Home with Itself. The event will begin with a conversation with The Center for Altruism and Compassion Research and Education’s (CCARE’s) founder and director, Dr. James Doty, who will ask Katie about her life’s work and how compassion has played a role. Their conversation will be followed by The Work with Katie, and will end with a book signing. The book combines the brilliant clarity of the Diamond Sutra with the practical power of The Work, a tool so sharp that it can cut through any blindness or delusion of the mind and lead you to the freedom that is your birthright.

 

For more information, click here.

Book Tour: 18 October 2017 A Mind at Home with Itself Hosted by Bookshop Santa Cruz

Bookshop Santa Cruz is a year-round host to locals, tourists, and students alike. Surrounded by mountains, the Pacific Ocean, and Silicon Valley, Bookshop Santa Cruz hosts a comprehensive author event series featuring appearances by both national and local authors in our beautiful event space, the skylight room.

 

Location:

Bookshop Santa Cruz
1520 Pacific Ave
Santa Cruz, California 95060

 

For more information, click here.

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