ByronKatie.com

P.S. I know people commented on this years ago, but I really am intrigued: What did the mother do that was so incredibly awful that it should not be "condoned" (Katie never condoned it, only said it is how people are) and forgiven? Katie asked her for her most painful example, and she didn't say she was beaten, starved, humiliated, or any such thing. She said she wasn't listened to, and she had her own values. So why are people so offended? Very curious.

HOWEVER, I am also very curious about this as well: Katie, how WOULD you respond to a person who's most painful memory of their mother was being physically abused? I've watched many videos and books, and I have not yet found how this type of issue is Facilitated.

I find the responses to this video very interesting. I myself grew up with a very negative, attacking, neglectful mother. And I love this video! I have watched it over and over again. It helps me with my Work, not about my mother, but about all those *other* people who never understood me, never heard me, and tried to control me.

It really is a laughing matter! They can't control me, and I can't control the stories they tell themselves about me. What a relief from that burden. I honestly had no idea that everyone had stories about everyone. I thought for some strange reason certain people had stories about ME ALONE and I had to correct them. Now that I realize this is just what people do, it's their job, I am free to stop trying to change other people's stories about me and just inquire into my own.

As for my mother's abusive actions towards me growing up, that was based on her own stories and projections. It had nothing to do with me.

So for those of you who are asking what you should do if you had a very difficult childhood due to your mother...inquire. Find your own answers. If this one girl can't give you the right answers when she inquires into her story, you think The Work of Byron Katie is wrong? How does that even make sense? Inquire into your own story about your own mother.

Or, don't. Inquire into other stories. I have not done a single Worksheet on my mother. And yet my understanding of her has changed tremendously. The gifts of the Work are unpredictable.

Sonya

Many thanks for this great guide for how to just let it go.

The counselor is being somewht controlling and not addressing any real issues, just blaming the girl. So it's the girl's fault and nothing's wrong with the mother? That's wrong.

Katie, thank you so much for posting this video.

As someone with a very controlling, difficult, emotionally abusive mother, I greatly appreciate this, especially: "I need my mother to really hear and understand me." "Is that true?" "No." Of course it's not true! It'd be nice to be heard and understood, but you don't need it.

Also, it's very true that other people cannot actually control us. We control ourselves. There is always a choice, even if it's a choice we don't like. Heck, I've found that often, the choice I think my mother is offering me is all in my head, and that's not what's happening at all. And even if it is, the choice is still mine. What's the point in blaming her for where I end up once I choose?

I dont understand why this would be on the internet. I do not agree with this at all. This is a perfect example of stupidity.

I watched the video and thought it was a comedy skit, and only after looking at the comments did realize that it was for real. I understand the concept of everyone "owning" how they feel and taking responsiblility for their feelings/opinions/beliefs, and allowing others the space to have thier own as well --and respecting that space. Family can be a completely different issue. Quite often, parents see their children as extentions of themselves to do with what they chose, and do not have respect for their children. Respect is essential and must be mutual, how does a child learn respect, or anything else except from their formative teachers --ie: their parents?? I think that quite often, as in the girl in the video, there is a sense of great uncomfortability (body language), and fear (struggling with words and turning red) to address these issues with a parent ---- why?? -- each of us is their mother's daughter/son.....while the girl in the video may have had a "realization" how to have a better relationship with her mother (good for her!!!!) real dysfunction in family relationships is not a laughing matter!!

The way I understand this and all the work, is that we have thoughts that shape how we think things should be and that this is in conflict with how things are. We believe that mothers shouldn't be controlling, but in fact we are being controlling in the way we want someone to be different. The only way we can find peace is to accept who they are and acknowledge who we are and be aware of our thoughts and how they make us unhappy and control us. Whatever has happened in the past this work can set us free now.

awesome video.

keep spreading the awareness.

Hi, I am like some of the other responders, in that I have a mother who has real problems and can be very difficult to interact with. Nevertheless, I found this video very insightful. I think that if we apply the technique, if only to eliminate some fairly simple factors, then we can make our own situation easier to deal with.

After all, there is only one way to eat an elephant, and that is one bite at a time.

Susan

I agree with the commentor who made this statement: (Mel:

This video is a little confusing for someone who is dealing with a REAL manipulative, controlling , selvish and abusive mother. It's not a laughing matter. I'm sure it is a great video for a mother,daughter relationship with a few ups and downs they can laugh off.

Posted by Mel | October 5, 2006 7:10 PM )

I am a college senior and I have an extremely controlling mother. The mother and daughter in the video is representational of typical teenage angst, the need for autonomy/individuality, positive parental constraints and the need for effective communication; the mother in the video has the desire to teach her daughter to survive in the real world through rules and regulations that could help her protege in the long run. My mother, on the other hand, goes out her way to use the following techniques to keep me dependent: very critical, humiliation in public, defamation, fear of the outside world, alienation from friends and family, removal of room door to create lack of privacy,but wait you say you reside in her household surely you are encouraging her; No, she manipulates me into believing that she will die, have heart attack, be assaulted by an assailant, etc. No, good daughter wants their mother to be in harms way, but there comes a point when you realize that even a parent would use such tactics to prevent her own from seeking her own individuality; for young women who experience this type of control ( Dependent personality disorder (DPD), you must move out or you will lose your sanity. Now that is what you call a controlling mother. Again, there is a difference between a mother/parents who lay(s) down rules in their household to be followed until the time comes (18 years of age in most households.

This video is a little confusing for someone who is dealing with a REAL manipulative, controlling , selvish and abusive mother. It's not a laughing matter. I'm sure it is a great video for a mother,daughter relationship with a few ups and downs they can laugh off.

Hello

I am trying to watch the videos but not having any luck. Can you give me any pointers?

Many thanks
Andy

Hi Katie,
This video is great.
I showed this video to my daughter to let her see that it is not just we two that have these thoughts.
I also shared it with a friend who is in a similar situation and she watched it with her daughter too.
Please keep them coming, your Work has made such a difference in my life.

Hi Katie,
I would like to show this to my 14 year old daughter! She may think I'm trying to manipulate her also. I like what you do.
Joanne.

Hi Katie, great to see some more works.
I can say that 3 years after I attended the school and did many works peter is getting more realistic.
Love Peter

Thank You Katie

I was looking at my story. My daughter and i have the same problem.I am looking forward to let watch her this vedio.

Thanks again,

You are a gift in this world and we can become happy by the work.

Krisna Ramautar

The video was wonderful. It was great to see Byron Katie at work. I would love to see more. It helps so much to see her put her actually do "The Work". I have learned so much.

Great!

Please more Videos if possible. Thank you Katie. I love you.

Reinhard

Hi, I just want to say that it's just GREAT that you've put that video inquiry on the web! It was so inspiring. I'd love to see more of those!
All the best
Marie

I heard this inquiry about "my mother is selfish and controlling............" I am confused, does that mean that we have to discount what we are feeling and find a way to condone and love the people around us who are manipulative??