Practice listening to others in the most literal sense, believing exactly what they say without attaching a future to it, and do your best to resist falling into your own interpretations about the information they share with you.
For example, someone might give you a compliment, and you interpret that to mean that the person has ulterior motives. Our interpretations of what we hear people say to us are often far more painful or frightening than what people actually say. We can hurt ourselves with our misconceptions and our thinking for others.
Try trusting that what they say is exactly what they mean: not more, not less. Hear people out.
Catch yourself when you want to finish a sentence for someone, either aloud or in your mind.
Listen. It can be amazing to hear what comes out when we allow others to complete their thoughts without interruption. And when we are busy thinking we know what they are about to say, we often miss what they are actually saying.
You might want to consider these questions:
- What can be threatened if I listen and hear literally?
- Do I interrupt because I don’t want to really know what people have to say?
- Do I interrupt to convince them that I know more than they do?
- Am I attempting to convey an image of self-confidence and control?
- Who would I be without the need to possess those qualities?
- Do I fear appearing unintelligent?
- Would people leave me if I heard them literally and no longer engaged in manipulative games?
Comments (6)
What I have found is: literal listening is a gift to the one speaking. It create an opportunity for the story teller to listen to his own story, sometimes it is the very first time that the story is heard by the speaker. So he or she can hear what is needed to be heard. At the same time I'am receiving the gift of the story, which opens my mind in such a gentle way. And literal listening keeps me connected in a loving way. There is no stress of ego-building.
Love to all you speakers an listeners
Joop
Posted by Joop Blom | February 27, 2007 11:44 AM
Posted on February 27, 2007 11:44
You need to do somethng, angel, Is that True? Are you sure? To find out, answer the four questons and when you get to the turnaround try, "I don't need to do anything" and find three genuine examples of why that is as true or truer than, "I need to do something." Why are you better off, why is she better off, why is the world better off because of the distance between you? This doesn't mean that you won't be together again, it is just a way of noticing again just why it is true that the universe is friendly. Set you free or not, only you can and we're not free until you are. And kisses to our loved ones in Turkey.
Loving what is,
kt
Posted by kt | December 25, 2006 10:11 PM
Posted on December 25, 2006 22:11
hello dear person my friend is living in holland she left me for our distance and i love her i am living in Turkey
what can i do??????
Posted by alistar | December 2, 2006 12:34 PM
Posted on December 2, 2006 12:34
HI Katie and blog readers, literal listening is fantastic! I use it every day especially when I feel stress when somebody says something- that is where I notice I do not listen to them, but to my own stressful thought- and my daily manipulations with people to try to force them to see me as wonderwoman -hopeless- diminished to the extent that now -after my first school in July- I can work with classrooms filled with students who won't give up in learning me how to be real and honoust by listening literally. No energy waisted, and lots of joy and appreciation and they teach me instead of me teaching them!
Love, Mariska
Posted by Mariska van der Willigen | November 25, 2006 4:49 AM
Posted on November 25, 2006 04:49
Hi Katie..Perfect timing.The literal listening is a very important part of the WORK that has been Working through me in the past few weeks.I have often heard you refer to the "giant boulder"...a big chunk of old belief shifting,breaking down,cracking up. A couple of weeks ago,my "Excavation of Authenticity" site was a meeting with a mountain. Cleverly disguised as a man he asked the question in reference to JYN Question #6.,"I never want you to remind me of my father again".."Why would you say that?"
The answer to this question was not readily available to the "me" that was available to answer at the time.In the interest of time,making a long story short and not gossipping about details of the meeting with the mountain/man I share the tool that came to me for literal listening.
I had brought a tape recorder on this long drive road trip.It was amazing.As I drove and experienced the world being there "for me" I recorded notes,did The Work on tape when I noticed myself annoyed by traffic or whatever.All sorts of people "gave" me songs and snips of wisdom along the way.It was a long trip and sometimes I would drive and insert the tape from earlier in the day into the car deck...and was able to "literally listen" to myself as I had been in the world a few hours before.So,in the private space of the car I could "hear me".I also had the hand held unit available.As I listened "to" me..I used the hand held as well and if I heard a one liner I was able to "talk " to me and do inquiry.It gave new dimension to that old phrase "she is talking to herself".
On the way home,I was using this new-to-me-tool of taping self-inquiry.and the thought came to look for the honest answer to the question that had been asked earlier about the man reminding me of my father.As the WORK started...I felt a bit of choking and this was familiar and to me an indication of truth pushing through throat to get to voice.I was aware of tightening in my head and tightness in my rib cage.The voice made it through with a few gasps and chokes and it was the little girl of me.The things that she shared with me were amazing and honest.The experience was similiar to the exercise from the Work events I have witnessed,where the facillitator and client do role play.
In the car ,tape recorder session.."I "was able to be someone who loved "the Little One" very much and Listened Literally. I heard her loud and clear!It was wild and sweet and did I mention LOUD? and so honest.Being "Heard" really was powerful and she did not hold back.I learned a lot and promised to listen whenever she wanted to talk.
Using the tapes as a tool has been a great way to witness self and catch myself (sometimes).To listen to myself literally has been a gift.I didn't realize how wise "the Little One" is .
I have asked the teen-ager if she wants to talk.She is not as enthusiastic.
I am thankful for the WORK and grateful for you passing it on.Love,Barbara C.
Posted by Barbara Cranfield | November 23, 2006 8:27 AM
Posted on November 23, 2006 08:27
Literal listening opens up a new world of possibilities. When I listen—really listen—to my partner, I can gather a wealth of information about what she wants, what she needs, and how she perceives me. This does not mean I have to comply with her wants, fulfill her needs, or agree with her perceptions, but it allows me to know her better, and feel closer to her.
Posted by Fabrice Nye | November 20, 2006 10:46 AM
Posted on November 20, 2006 10:46