Join Byron Katie on Zoom, Monday–Wednesday
Join »

Inquiry—”I’m NOT Succeeding on My Own”

Participant: I’m mad at me because these days I don’t succeed in earning my living on my own.

Katie: Is that true? “You don’t earn a living on your own”—is that true?

Participant: I’m supported by my husband, and there’s scarcely anyone in my practice these days.

Katie: So sweetheart, do you make your husband support you?

Participant: Yes.

Katie: So he does not have a choice?

Participant: Yes, he has a choice.

Katie: Yes. He doesn’t have to support you. So “You are not making a living on your own”—is that true? Few people come to your practice, your husband never has to support you, and you’re supported—on your own!

Participant: Right now, I’m so much in my mind.

Katie: And are you supported?

Participant: I am supported, yes.

Katie: So “You’re not supported on your own”—is that true?

Participant: I can’t understand right now.

Katie: Okay . . . so, thank you. Who would like to do The Work? And I hope everyone in this audience just did “I am not supported on my own.” Is there anyone in this room that has never been supported? Including you, sweetheart? I invite everyone in this room to find one time when you were not supported. It’s not possible. There’s no time in your life when you have not been supported. I’ve never met any human being that can find one moment that they were not supported. On your own! With or without a job. Can anyone find one moment when they were not supported? [Pause] I can’t either. So sweetheart, sit with it for a little while and we can come back to you. Because I hear from you that you’re having trouble putting it together.

Participant: I’m afraid of not being able to financially keep up my existence. I’m mad at me because I don’t succeed at standing on my own feet financially. I reproach myself for not having sought a job during the year of separation that would provide a living for me. And I don’t forgive myself for having spent the money I got from my husband—the biggest part of it.

Katie: So sweetheart, “You need more money”—is that true?

Participant: No, it’s not true.

Katie: That’s very good to know. Part of that money is gone, you only have this much, and “You need more”—is that true?

Participant: So the money is completely gone, and now it’s about the money I have these days, and it’s not a lot.

Katie: And “You need more”—is that true?

Participant: No.

Katie: That’s so good to know. How do you react when you believe the thought “I need more money”? What happens to your beautiful life and your beautiful body when you believe the thought “I need more money” and you don’t have more money?

Participant: I panic. I lose my joy, which is enormous, my playfulness, my pleasure, and my peace with myself and with existence. I get pissed off at the school that sacked me.

Katie: That’s a lot. That’s a lot.

Participant: I get narrow.

Katie: So “I need more money”—give me a peaceful reason to believe that.

Participant: There is no peace in that.

Katie: No peace in that. So close your eyes, precious. Now watch you living your life exactly the way you live it, without the thought “I need more money.” Look at your life without that thought.

Participant: Then I have a lot of time to spend with myself and I feel perfectly well in that. And I always have things to do, and I’ve got nice contacts. Basically, more work—I don’t like more work. It’s exclusively the thought to work more for money. I’ve got a real full life, full of experiences with birds, with people, with trees, with grasshoppers.

Katie: Wow.

[The audience applauds.]

Katie: And a home.

Participant: Yes, I’ve got a nice apartment.

Katie: “I need more money”—turn it around?

Participant: I don’t need more money.

Katie: No. Not right here, not right now. Not in this moment. And I’ve never known one human being that needed more money than they have. And I’ve tested it. And I invite you to test it. And every moment, notice how you have enough money. Let’s look at the next one. Continue to read.

Participant: I’m still very excited.

Katie: It is exciting, isn’t it? Life without money worries?

Participant: Mm-hmm.

Katie: Oh, you’re still very nervous.

Participant: Mm-hmm. I’m mad at me because I don’t succeed at standing on my own feet financially without the support of my husband.

Katie: “You don’t succeed”—is that true? “You don’t succeed at standing on your own”—is that true?

Participant: I succeed at standing on my own, but I’m of the opinion that I don’t succeed at making it financially.

Katie: So “If your husband’s money was all gone, you would not succeed”—can you absolutely know that that’s true?

Participant: I don’t know. No, I can’t know. I don’t know now.

Katie: And what happens when you believe that thought, “Without my husband’s money, I wouldn’t succeed.

Participant: I make myself small, meek, narrow. I see myself as not capable of living. I see myself as dependent, as not worth living.

Katie: And what happens physically when you experience those thoughts?

Participant: I collapse. I can’t breathe freely, I can’t think clearly. I’m not able to be aware of my real wishes and dreams.

Katie: So give me a peaceful reason to believe the thought “I cannot succeed without my husband’s money.”

Participant: There is no peace—there is no good reason to think that.

Katie: So who would you be, living your life—the same life you have right now—without the thought “I cannot succeed without my husband’s money”?

Participant: I have to get myself into that, first. I feel good. I feel rich, alive, strong, and completely survivable.

Katie: Do you see how you’re succeeding?

Participant: Right! Yes.

Katie: You’re succeeding.

Participant: I will make it.

Katie: Without the thought, look at your life. Full of energy and ideas.

Participant: And creativity. I can bring so much to other people, too—endlessly much.

Katie: And they don’t have to pay you for it.

Participant: Right.

Katie: They pay you or they don’t—you’re a success. You’re helping people. That’s a success.

Participant [crying]: I feel bad when I have the thought that I have to get money from everyone I help.

Katie: You don’t have to. You don’t have to. “You have to get money from everyone you help”—is that true?

Participant: It’s a thought. I love to give, to give a lot, and to give generously.

Katie: When you think of it, you break into tears. That shows you the way. You don’t have to let money stop you from giving. They’ll give you eggs for breakfast —or not. “Without my husband’s money, I cannot succeed”—turn it around?

Participant: I’m a success without my husband’s money.

Katie: Yes. And hopefully you’ll run out of it, and you can test it.

Participant: Mm-hmm.

[The audience laughs and applauds.]

Katie: But until then, you can afford to help people without money. Or for money—but that idea doesn’t have to stop you.

Participant: Yes, my heart gets narrow when I think I should only do it for money.

[Katie laughs.]

Katie: You just have to give it away, that’s how you are. That’s who you are.

Participant: I also wanted to tell you that I was afraid of coming here, because I can’t pay a lot—or scarcely anything.

Katie: I love that you didn’t let that stop you.

Participant: No, there was nothing that could have stopped me.

Katie: You’re a success!

[Audience applauds.]

Participant: I would like to Work on that sentence that I reproach myself for spending the money I got from my husband on trainings in healing and healing work.

Katie: “You should not have done that”—is it true?

Participant: I can only tell you that I did it.

Katie: How do you react when you believe the thought—“I should not have done it; it was a mistake”?

Participant: I feel very guilty, and I have a bad conscience, because my husband had to pay. I feel that I abused my family. I feel simply bad.

Katie: So “It was a mistake; you shouldn’t have done it”—turn it around?

Participant: It was no mistake? I did it because this was the thing to do.

Katie: So sweetheart, give me an example of why it was the best thing to do. How will it help your life?

Participant: It was a lot of money, and it was good to use it in a way that made sense. I didn’t feel well, and I needed healing.

Katie: Why is it a good thing today? Why is it true today that it was not a mistake? An example of why it was a good thing?

Participant: Because money wants to be spent.

[The audience laughs.]

Katie: Yes, it just kind of passes on. So, “I made a mistake”—turn it around?

Participant: I didn’t make a mistake.

Katie: Yes, it sounds like you’ve really learned a lot that can really help you.

Participant: Yes, a whole lot.

Katie: So if you had to choose, would you choose helping people or the money?

Participant: To help people.

Katie: Yes, you just have to. Thank you, honey.

Participant: And I do great works, too.

Katie: Yes. Thank you.

Participant: Thank you.

Newsletter Sign-Up
  • Please enter the code.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.