Death is A Part of Living

Here’s an e-mail I received from John, along with my response:

I often wonder why if I speak the truth to someone else when a friend passes away—for example, if I say to them “It must have been time. How do I know he’s supposed to die? Because he did”—why do people get so angry?

Thanks, John

Dearest John,

Oh my goodness, you are so very funny!

Most people have very fearful beliefs about death as well as about life. People are very afraid of losing the people that they love, because they don’t yet understand what you have come to understand, and hearing your comments they quite possibly could perceive you as cruel, heartless, uncaring, cold, out of touch, or freaky.

As long as people believe their fearful thoughts about life, death, themselves, and life without their loved ones, your honesty might sound crazy to them.

Most people don’t yet understand that God is entirely good. They are still mentally dictating to God and agreeing among themselves that it is only right to do war with the ultimate power of the universe. In other words, not everyone understands or trusts that the universe is not only friendly but perfect in every way without exception and that it always gives without taking. This is difficult for the immature mind to grasp.

People who believe their unquestioned thoughts cannot see what is obvious and directly in front of their faces at all times, because they are invested in what they believe to be true. As long as they live out of an unquestioned mind, they must continue to argue with what they believe is happening rather than the reality of what is really happening.

To the unquestioned mind, perfection is a myth; people who believe their unquestioned thoughts don’t see that the world is perfect exactly as it is, so they must remain at war with reality. Even their sadness is a tantrum; they are still at war with God, and most people are still immature enough to argue with the power of what made a universe and can and does often stop it, without evidence of its ever having existed. All fear is the evidence of an unquestioned mind.

Are you still afraid at times, John? I love that you know the power that is within you and is everything and that The Work, the four questions with your answers, is the key to that power, the beneficent power of the all and the key to your dear open fearless heart.

You are so funny, John. Do you remember when a statement like the one you speak of would have shocked and unsettled you? If you do, then you can understand that these people’s minds are believing what you used to believe. Have mercy, angel. It is enough to be free, and when your truths pop out of your mouth innocently and without motive, your experience as well as their experience is just right and on time.

There’s no mistake in the universe. Thank you for your innocence and enlightenment, John. If anything you say seems to be harsh, investigate and see if you had a motive in saying it, apologize, and begin again. Otherwise, you are not the doer at all.

Loving you,

You may also like


  1. I am sorry, but I am unable to fathom how a person who goes up to people whom he KNOWS not to have been educated in The Work and then tells them “Your loved one was supposed to die”, can reasonably be described above as mature and enlightened.

  2. I believe John is pulling our legs here! But whether or not that’s true, this is a valuable example of how NOT to “win friends and influence people” with our “enlightenment.” I’ve been blunt and insensitive enough times—with interesting results—to know that it doesn’t serve me or others to shove my “truth” down their throats. Better to live that truth out quietly; when I do, it tends to be noticed and then people ask what I’m experiencing.

  3. Dear tjmmz,

    Well, John is what Katie says he is, to her. And he is what you say he is, to you. And I, have a different story about John… and a JYN worksheet handy!

  4. In my observation, different facets of the mind can mature at different times. Understanding and trusting what IS as deeply as the writer says likely does indicate some level of spiritual maturity. It doesn’t necessarily follow that this person has integrated that understanding into his emotional experience on a day to day basis, in his feelings and interactions with himself and others.

  5. I lost my husband myself, under 40, I am new here to this site and The Work, but without it I do not really wonder why it happened to me, but going on taking it as something that happened, I cannot change it, and I will do everything to learn from it. However, I will never make such type of comments to my peers, that lost their partner at a young age, because I am truly convinced (and I understand that in the philosophy of Katie as well) that you cannot live somebody else´s life, nor influence his or her feelings or learning process. Like coaching, asking questions is the best way, not prescribing how somebody else should react at a reality you yourself even never passed through (I am sure John),


  6. I somewhat understand what this person writes, I do believe that we’re meant to die when we die. What I find difficult is to accept this fact.

    I lost a close friend 2,5 years ago, and yesterday I lost my dear grandmother.
    I’m having both selfish sad feelings and relieved thoughts. Both these wonderful persones still means a lot to me, but I know that they don’t have to deal with a lot of psycial pain anymore, and that makes me happy.
    I have not yet come into the thinking of The Work. I’m trying though!
    I do believe in a life after death, so I know that they will always be around, but it doesn’t make it easier. I know it is a selfish thought, no doubt about it!
    I guess one can miss the loved ones, but be happy for that they no longer struggle with pain.
    Thank you for this way of thinking, thank you for sharing Byron Katie!
    Best thoughts from Linda

  7. Well. 298 people shot out of the sky
    War in Israel and Gaza
    A friends sister in law killed on a road trip
    41 wars going on in the world at this time.
    Feeling dealth all around/and everywhere.
    Byron Katie to the rescue!
    I think, “this is not my business”
    But I feel I am being cold, by not letting myself try feeling for all these people and their pain.
    Or thinking about them ? ??

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Copy this code

and paste it here *