Dear Katie:
I used to be terrified of flying and I would do a really weird thing with my mind. I would practice being prepared for the plane to fall, trying to exercise bravery as I imagined how it would feel. As you may imagine, I spent the whole flight in terrified misery. Before I went to the School and met Katie, I switched my thinking: the plane is NOT going to fall, and I decided to believe this as much as the other. This helped as long as the plane did not begin to do the jig in the air.
Then, I was flying home from my second School in Bad Neuenahr, Germany, and the pilot announced very rough weather approaching Madrid. My body tensed. The first jolt hit about 20 minutes out and I could feel the fear pour into my stomach. Then, suddenly, I remembered something Katie had said and I asked myself: Is anything happening to me right now? I went to my body, felt it sitting tightly in the seat, and the answer from my body was immediately NO. I questioned: “The plane is going to fall”— IS THAT TRUE? CAN I ABSOLUTELY KNOW THAT IT IS TRUE? Again the answer was NO. I felt my body relax. I opened the window blind (it was night time), and the cosmos was there in all its splendor, the stars, flashes of lightning on the horizon, infinite sky black… it was so beautiful, so breathtaking, that all I could feel was love and gratitude. The plane continued shaking like a Waring blender, but suddenly to me it felt like a rocking cradle, I was filled with joy and so relaxed that I actually nodded off for a few minutes while the craft joggled me softly to sleep. We arrived safely in Madrid and I did NOT suffer 20 minutes of panic. It was wonderful. Thank you so much for The Work.
Love, Brianda
P.S. I have never shared with you the actual moment of my transformation, and as I read the Parlor letters, I suddenly thought that I would like to do that. I had been through so many years of psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, alternative therapies, and what have you and still I wasn't happy, I wasn't satisfied, still I thought that I was missing something in life. Still searching. I found The Work, thanks to a friend; I did the School and immediately began using The Work with myself and with others that asked me for it. I realized it was working for me, I felt better, I lived better, I was softer, kinder to myself. Then one day, I can't remember why, I decided to work on one of my core beliefs about my childhood. MY PARENTS PUSHED ME ASIDE was more or less how it went (I did my work in Spanish and it is MARGINARON or marginalized me). Is that true? I closed my eyes and suddenly the following scene appeared in front of me: My parents getting up in the morning, looking at each other from either side of the bed and saying: "Today let's push Brianda aside so she suffers". I burst out laughing, it was delightful. What a comedy scene!!!! I continued to do The Work and when I got to the turnarounds, I found the pain: I PUSHED MYSELF ASIDE, oh yes, I certainly could find that when I locked myself in my room and refused to join my parents, and I PUSHED THEM ASIDE, even truer when I decided that I wouldn't share my life with them or tell them anything about me. Tears of loss welled up at all the missed opportunities to share with my parents my growing up, and love, love for them and all they had given me. And then the miracle happened. The STORY disappeared, my past vanished. There was no longer anything to be reclaimed, anything to be repaired, anything to be regretted. It was gone. I began living in the present, grateful for everything I have and have had always. Since then it has been a beautiful life, and I love sharing it with you and with others as they ask for it or come into my life.
Thank you Katie. And when people ask, I say that in my experience psychotherapy brings you to ACCEPT your story, and THE WORK makes it disappear!!! KABOOM!!!
Much love and gratitude, Brianda
Comments (4)
Dear Eileen,
Thank you so much for posting that - my son is 5 and a half and am going through the same thing. What a great idea for a book on The Work for Parents. Fyi, I am waitlisted for the next parenting teleclass possibly happening in September with certified facilitators: scroll down on http://afearlessplanet.com/events
Best wishes.
Niamh
Posted by Niamh | July 1, 2009 12:35 PM
Posted on July 1, 2009 12:35
Katie, please help me with this one: 'My son shouldn't play violent video games/watch violent children's programmes'. I know there's a violence to stopping him playing them. But when he plays them he seems to get brainwashed into thinking it's ok to go around shooting people and that the most important thing in life is to be the winner (the end justifies the means). So at times I panic, because I think, here I am doing The Work, trying to become a more peaceful parent, meanwhile my son is becoming indoctrinated in the art of war. Last week he bit a friend and said it was ok because he won.
I've considered the possibility that how much he watches and what he watches is his business. But he's only six. If he's doing what he wants to do, which is to play video games most of the day (he's home-educated) and I let him, then am I not being passively violent because love would act to protect him? Aside from what will it do to his mind to immerse himself, at such a sweet young age, in programmes made by people who clearly don't do The Work (!), I feel I must restrict his use for fear of what will it do to his body, his eyesight, his posture, his adrenalin (he gets very flushed), what constant exposure to electro-magnetic frequencies may do to his health, in way that can never be measured.
With a 6 years old, where do I draw the line between his business and my business? I find this one a really difficult grey area.
I asked a health kinesiologist to muscle-test for me how much was ok for my son to watch, and he said he thought an hour and a half was as much as my son's body could manage each day healthily. So then I turn into the 'Hour and A Half police' as I try to apply this daily principle and notice my lovely son become secretive about watching. I have introduced guilt into his joy. So have I left my business in trying to protect my son? I note that when your daughter was drinking you did not take steps to protect her, and that this ability to stand back and just love her is what helped her the most in the end. But she was 16. My boy is comparatively tiny.
I read in Loving What Is that you're no longer a believer that children's teeth shouldn't rot. So am I in my son's business even when I brush his teeth? What about when I rush to save him from an oncoming car? I really get The Work when it applies to adults. But with my children, it's more complex, because I want to be responsible for them.
If you can't answer my question, then at least would you consider developing (a) a book on The Work for parents and (b) a video game for children based on being a warrior for The Work? Perhaps where they could choose which Byron Katie outfit to wear and then act out storming into people's internal prisons releasing them from their uninvestigated alien thoughts. They could have special anti-thinking stun guns, love cannons and guns that shoot out questions and turnarounds. They could have bullet-proof suits printed with Judge Your Neighbour worksheets which see them through all obstacles. It could all be so lovely then. I could just plug my boy into all of that and he'd be happy and investigated all at once. And I could put my feet up, have a cup of tea and celebrate this marvellous technology that gives me a break and keeps my boy so entertained.
Love
Eileen
Posted by Eileen | June 16, 2009 3:28 AM
Posted on June 16, 2009 03:28
Brianda, thank you for sharing your "happy dream." I love it.
I was like you, I tried everything. I think psychotherapy was valuable for me; it took the edge off, helped me to get out of bed in the morning and. I can't say I was accepting of my story, but I learned to live with it. I hated it and still thought it was real, and solid. It wasn't until I did The Work that I could see the transparency of my story, and of all stories.
Posted by Carol L. Skolnick | October 13, 2007 10:06 PM
Posted on October 13, 2007 22:06
Dearest Brianda,
What a story, so perfect for me to read this Sat. morning. Remembering so vividly all my moments of transformation. I love that you shared it and I myself am crying in grattitude and am so thankful for the Work. Love Orly in Tel Aviv
Posted by Orly | October 12, 2007 10:39 PM
Posted on October 12, 2007 22:39