ByronKatie.com

Camille,

Thank you for these kind and honest words of strength. The more I do the work, the more I understand how what you say is true for me as well. It is an awesome gift.

Peace,
Debbie

Dear Debbie, I had a son who died of a heroin overdose when he was 17. (He was in a band and a gifted musician and song writer.) That was in 1999. I lived with intense pain and guilt for 8 years until last fall when I went to the school for the work. The first day there pain and anger exploded out of me, and I was on the path to freedom. What I learned through inquiry was that I was seeing my son as defective. When he was a little boy, he was diagnosed with learning disabilities, and he had many difficulties getting along in the school system, even though he was creative and smart. We took him to psychologists and therapies, and we treated him like he needed fixing. Through doing the work on my thoughts, I have come to see how perfect he was and is and that it was only my thinking that needed fixing! It is so wonderful that you were able to look into your son's blue eyes and realize his perfect beauty in that moment! Through doing the work, I have come to see that I saw MYSELF as defective and projected that out onto the world of my experience which included my relationship with my son. I am so grateful to uncover the thoughts that "I am defeective, powerless, helpless and a victim." I can no longer believe these kinds of thoughts when they pass through my mind, now. There were layers and layers of that kind of thinking that needed to be undone in me, and it took my son's death to propel me to the truth. It was his great gift to me. That's my story, but I am at peace with it now because I see the perfection in it all. I share this with you just in case you can find something in my story that is helpful. Katie says the universe is friendly. It is so true. I am so grateful to learn how to question my thoughts and find the truth! Love, Camille

Thank you all for your comments. Shannon has a view that I understand very well. I love what is - I did not ask my son Grant if he was using and that is what is, is that he was using and he died from it. He had been in rehab 3 or 4 times and almost died before. I could say it was all up to him, but was it? How much can I change anyone except through loving them? I don't know. I am okay with not knowing because what is, is that I do not know.

I have a lot more work to do, but I want to do it more, because the gift I have of being really present during my last visit with my son is a treasure I hold dear. I would like that treasure to be in all my relationships and experiences, with nature, with the dog, with crisis, with not knowing.

Thank you.

Debbie,

Is it possible (via this site) for us to communicate directly?

I am very new to Byron Katie's "Work" -- though I do see how it could be liberating --

I am in a very similar situation with my grown son ... and could use "another way of looking at it," if you know what I mean -- and would like, perhaps, some coaching to "work" through this situation.

My direct email is:
cathiebeck@comcast.net

Many thanks,

Cathie

This is one of those situations where I wonder if one should believe one's thoughts! That is, if you're pretty sure somebody is doing something self-damaging--and in this case it turned out Debbie was right about her intuition that her son was using again--maybe you could get the person some help? An intervention could be done to save the person's life? Of course when the self-destructive person is an adult, there is sometimes little that we can do to force them to seek treatment, but at least we can try. I wonder if in this case, Debbie could have believed her intuition and asked her son if he was using, and if so, if he thought he needed to go to rehab or something.

Debbie,

Doing the work myself, and discovering that "loving what is" is the ultimate solution for everything, i was really inspired by your letter since it showed me that it is really true and not only for what people would consider "easier situations" in life.

By arguing with what is, you would have prevent him from being loved and being good as he is.

Thank you for sharing your experience.

Shai

Oh my goodness. This is such a powerful, lovely and inspiring letter! Debbie, thank your for your courage, your openness, your love and your understanding. By living the way you do, you show me that my life is my school. It helps me see more clearly where my own resistance is to my world. I did the School for the Work in LA in October. I am glad to see that you are doing the School already. Thank you for inspiring me to be more open.

Love,

Grant