ByronKatie.com

Thanks Ravi Nathan, That is a good suggestion. I'll follow what you said and report back.
SS

To SS: Here is my experience working with a dilemma such as "Should I seperate from my spouse or not"? Take a piece of paper and draw two columns. Under the first column write "If I separate from my spouse" and underneath that write down all the stressful beliefs that are related to the separation. This may include, "I will be lonely", I will have no support." etc. Under the second column write down "If I stay with my spouse", and write down all the stressful thoughts associated with that. This could include, "We will fight all the time", "He will yell at me" etc. Now take each belief from both columns to inquiry with the four questions and the turnaround. In my experience after I have worked my way down both columns, the decision becomes clear and stressfree since my mind is clear and I am no longer confused. Please try it and report back.

Hi, I feel similar to Mark. While 'The work' has given me more insight into 'me', I feel it makes every other person right. I feel that at the end of 'The Work' I am at wrong. I don't want to live with my husband. By doing 'The Work'I understand 'what is' is what is. After doing the work, he seems to be right and I am wrong. So what do i do? do i get separation or not? I still don't want to live with him whether he is right or not. I am still confused.

hi mark, i think you are confusing 'being at fault' with the kind of self responsibility that the work ultimately teaches... fault and blame are the common consciousness in relationship where as being able to open your arms to 'love what is' is not saying anything about the 'perceived other' but everything about you and your role in creating suffering by not taking that responsibility for your role. suffering is never about what the 'other' does, but always about your story about what you think the 'other' did... love from holland!

To Mark:

Its funny how words can always be misinterpreted. Its the nature of the beast I suppose. Words always leave something out. For me it is ALWAYS about me. The me that I believe exists and the me I have invested in since I accepted the story of "me". But again -these words can only tell a another small part of the infinite story of human existence

I had a similar experience after listening to "I Need Your Love' audiobook for weeks while I commuted. I projected my own feelings of worthlessness on to my husband's actions and words, always looking to him to decide if I am lovable. It dawned on me that nothing he could say or do would make me feel lovable. Feeling lovable is my business, not his. What a difference it has made to not NEED him. Now I can even enjoy him being him on occasion. Thanks, Katie, the dawn is breaking.

As much as I love The Work - it has changed my life - in this post where she says "it was all me." is what concerns me most about The Work. It can make a person too easily assume they are completely at fault, not the abuser.

Sometimes people treat us poorly...or don't give us what we desire in a relationship...It is correct and valid to move away from them. Period! "It takes two to tango." and no ONE person is completely at fault.