Katie, Every year I make New Years Resolutions only to break them a month later and feel bad. How can the Work help me when I break my resolutions? Is there any point to making them in the first place?
Let’s say I wanted to be a kinder human being toward my children and I find myself frustrated, losing my temper, and giving them “the look.”
I would identify what I was believing during that behavior. And after identifying my thoughts I would write them down on paper. I would do The Work on those thoughts and I would also do The Work on “I raised my voice to my children.”
Then I would make a list, from the prompt “I raised my voice to my children and that means that...”
...that means that I’m a terrible person.
...that means that I’m a loser.
...that means that I will never get it right.
...that means that they will never forgive me.
...that means that I hurt them.
Then I would ask the four questions and do the turnarounds on each thought.
And that is what I did do for a few years after 1986. I became a kinder human being with no necessity to make New Year’s resolutions.
What am I resolved to do? Just answer the questions that you’re asking and enjoy this conversation with you right now and love that it would serve others the way that this process has served me.
What are some of the underlying beliefs in your experience that cause you to break your resolutions?
Below are responses from candidates in the Institute for The Work, who have been answering this question this month, and then doing The Work on the underlying beliefs they’ve uncovered:
There’s something wrong with me.
Things need to happen for me this year.
I need to get my life back together this year.
I am incapable of real love.
I am overwhelmed.
I can’t make the right decision.
I have no control.
I should know better and done better.