Question:
Katie, Every year I make New Years Resolutions only to break them a month later and feel bad. How can the Work help me when I break my resolutions? Is there any point to making them in the first place?
Katie:
Let’s say I wanted to be a kinder human being toward my children and I find myself frustrated, losing my temper, and giving them “the look.”
I would identify what I was believing during that behavior. And after identifying my thoughts I would write them down on paper. I would do The Work on those thoughts and I would also do The Work on “I raised my voice to my children.”
Then I would make a list, from the prompt “I raised my voice to my children and that means that...”
...that means that I’m a terrible person.
...that means that I’m a loser.
...that means that I will never get it right.
...that means that they will never forgive me.
...that means that I hurt them.
Then I would ask the four questions and do the turnarounds on each thought.
And that is what I did do for a few years after 1986. I became a kinder human being with no necessity to make New Year’s resolutions.
What am I resolved to do? Just answer the questions that you’re asking and enjoy this conversation with you right now and love that it would serve others the way that this process has served me.
What are some of the underlying beliefs in your experience that cause you to break your resolutions?
Below are responses from candidates in the Institute for The Work, who have been answering this question this month, and then doing The Work on the underlying beliefs they’ve uncovered:
There’s something wrong with me.
Things need to happen for me this year.
I need to get my life back together this year.
I am incapable of real love.
I am overwhelmed.
I can’t make the right decision.
I have no control.
I should know better and done better.
Comments (2)
hello. id like to say thank you for sharing your own process in "being a kinder human being" i have situations in my life where i "raised my voice at my parents" and how much pain that brings me...i followed your process of identifying some of the believes i had when i did it, what that meant, and the actual "i raised my voice at my parents" and its such a sweet find.
will
Posted by will c | May 18, 2010 10:34 PM
Posted on May 18, 2010 22:34
Katie,
Thank you for the work - I just found you by way of a dear friend, and everything you say is so right on. I get overwhelmed when I realize how much work I have to do to get to the real me, the authentic me with a genuine life purpose devoid of guilt, shame and regrets. Like everyone else I believe the thought "I need more money; I need a man in my life to love and care for me; I made a mistake: worse, my whole life is a mistake" This last one is particularly scary because it keeps me right where I am, which is alone, unfulfilled, isolated, over worked at a job helping others I dislike with barely enough money to meet ends at the end of the month, and OMG retirement isn't all that far away.
I have spent the last 20 yrs of my life as a massage therapist, reiki healer, craniosacral therapist, and over the past 6 years I worked hard to be an RN, now employed in hospitals. I struggle because I know deep in my heart that this is not where I am intended to be of the greatest service. So I am hopeful that doing the work will give me a clear pathway to be of service helping myself and others integrate eastern and western approaches to healing the mind first, understanding the body will follow.
So yes, I hear you, keep it simple. So I start with one step at a time with the judger/neighbor worksheet. Still I really get stuck when I come across the belief "My whole life is a mistake. I have made so many poor choices in my life." How do I get past that thought that truly imprisons me, keeps me stuck in fear?
Thank you for being you - genuine and generous and caring.
God Bless, Janet
Posted by Janet | April 11, 2010 9:39 AM
Posted on April 11, 2010 09:39