Fearful Judgments Belong on Paper

The email below was submitted for a Conversation with Byron Katie webcast from S. in Hungary.

Hello Katie,

I’ve been a long practitioner of The Work and despite that, I’m stuck. Lately I’ve fallen into the bad habit with my girlfriend of excessively judging our country and the world, despite all the beauty that there is.

I feel that this kind of non-conscious behaviour is causing a great roadblock in my life and I find it very hard to question this even when I have moments of clarity.

With kind regards,


Dear S,

I invite you to judge your country on the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. That is where all fearful judgments about world and country belong. For example, if I express my fearful theories to someone, such as, “Our country is ….. Our leaders are ….” (fill it in yourself), and in that moment I am upsetting myself and upsetting any listener who may believe what I think I believe, then I am very clear that upsetting you or me is not the path that interests me. So how do I come to know what is true and what really matters? I identify and question the thoughts that take my awareness away, that take “me” away from my life now and plunge me into horrors that don’t exist in reality, right here right now, in the moment and place where I can be of use, and if I am fearful, I’m not serving what I want and am clearly directed to serve. So rather than inflicting painful, unquestioned beliefs onto others, I find it kind to test them first, on paper, running them first through my authentic self. This process can only be appreciated within me, so my family is spared those fear tactics of mind that I used to hold onto so tightly.

Thank you for your email,

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  1. I had or have the same problem.
    After the work i’m not upset anymore (mostly).
    But that doesn’t change the facts.
    It just leaves me with the freedom to discuss and share my knowledge and opinions without anger, sadness, frustration.

    I still judge, rightly so.
    But without hatred.

    Discrimination is also allright.
    It just depends on what grounds one discriminates.
    Do you prefer a blue or a yellow car?
    This political party or another?

    Judging and discrimination… they are just words…
    without hate… just means choosing between options based on your preferences.

  2. با سلام
    مشکل بنده در رابطه با پیدا کردن یک عشق سالم هست
    به احساسات مثبتم توجه میکنم و اونو در وجودم پرورش میدم ولی نتیجه برعکس میگیرم
    مثلا با آقایی آشنا شدم که واقعا روزای اول بم احساس مثبت و انژی میداد ومن بدون اینکه ب منفی فکر کنم احساساتم و هیجانم بیشتر کردم در وجودم ولی بعد از مدتی همین آقا کلی منو اذیت کردن و احساسات مثبتم رو از بین برد خیلی تلاش کردم که همون چیزی ک میخوام باشن ولی متاسفانه نشد
    چرا مدام واسه من همچی مشکلی پیش میاد
    از اونموقع ب احساسات مثبتم توجه نمیکنم و اونا رو سرکوب میکنم

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