Video: My Daughter Won’t Forgive Me

A recovering alcoholic does The Work on her beliefs about her daughter’s lack of forgiveness. With the help of Byron Katie’s patient and incisive questioning, she comes to see that although the alcohol is out of her life, her deep-seated denial of reality has persisted. In this video we see a vivid example of how The Work can help break through denial, as the woman acknowledges the turnaround “I won’t forgive me.”


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  1. Wow! I am essentially struggling and suffering in the same way as this dear woman. I, too, didn’t have a clue on how self-centered I am when it comes to wanting unconditional love from my teens and adult children. I have been wracked in horrible grief and pain to the point that I can’t seem to recover from physical illness. I honestly feel like I was led to this website and this video. I was actually searching for natural remedies for a sinus infection and one site led to another until I ended up here. Oh, how much I needed to hear this particular video! Maybe now I can work on having better relationships. Thank you for sharing such a personal story.

  2. I want to talk to my mother but I’m afraid of her. She was very abusive when I was growing up- would hit me for things like, “Hey mom, I can’t babysit… I have homework.” I called kids helpphone after that one, and she just told them I was mean to my friends, etc. In fact, I had childhood friends tell me, “Why are you mean to your mother?”
    Years later I discovered my step dad wasn’t my real dad, and that my mother had cut ties with my real father when I was a baby. A mutual friend between them even visited our house, but never told my dad where I was or even gave him a photo of me.

    I did start talking to my mother in my early/mid twenties but she gets upset pretty easy, will start crying if I bring anything up that she’s done (like missing my graduation, etc) I was really frustrated that, because I didn’t live with her, and she had no power over me, she started playing the victim and was acting very VERY childish and weepy.

    On top of that, I’ve found it difficult to get in contact with my siblings. Our relationship has been estranged because we grew up in such an abusive household I can’t say I was a great older sister to them, either, and after I left and discovered their drug use, etc, I felt horribly guilty. Can’t imagine though what my mother must feel. And yeah she fucked up but I do forgive her for it.

    But I told her recently that I didn’t, that I couldn’t forgive her for keeping me from my family.

    I worry every day she’s gonna kill herself (she’s tried before) but I cringe thinking of talking to her. She ruined my life, but she tried pretty hard to fix things… but the damage is done and I’m still afraid of her, I cringe when I talk to her and yeah I’m ashamed for cutting her off. I’ll regret it more when she dies, too, thinking that she missed out on really knowing who I am. Who her daughter is. And for that reason I’m never having kids, because fuck that must really hurt having a daughter who doesn’t want to be in your life.

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