ByronKatie.com

On Keeping New Year's Resolutions

2010-02-26T18:30:55Z

Question: Katie, Every year I make New Years Resolutions only to break them a month later and feel bad. How can the Work help me when I break my resolutions? Is there any point to making them in the first place? Katie: Let’s say I wanted to be a kinder human being toward my children and I find myself frustrated, losing my temper, and giving them “the look.” I would identify what I was believing during that behavior. And after identifying my thoughts I would write them down on paper. I would do The Work on those thoughts and I would also do The Work on “I raised my voice to my children.” Then I would make a list, from the prompt “I raised my voice to my children and that means that...” ...that means that I’m a terrible person. ...that means that I’m a loser. ...that means that I will never get it right. ...that means that they will never forgive me. ...that means that I hurt them. Then I would ask the four questions and do the turnarounds on each thought. And that is what I did do for a few years after 1986. I became a kinder human being with no necessity to make New Year’s resolutions. What am I resolved to do? Just answer the questions that you’re asking and enjoy this conversation with you right now and love that it would serve others the way that this process has served me. What are some of the underlying beliefs in your experience that cause you to break your resolutions? Below are responses from candidates in the Institute for The Work, who have been answering this question this month, and then doing The Work on the underlying beliefs they’ve uncovered: There’s something wrong with me. Things need to happen for me this year. I need to get my life back together this year. I am incapable of real love. I am overwhelmed. I can’t make the right decision. I have no control. I should know better and done better.

Haiti: Why Send Money?

2010-02-18T00:49:07Z

Dear Katie, You say that you are contributing money to help the earthquake victims in Haiti. But aren’t you supposed to love what is? Don’t you love earthquakes? Why send money? I wouldn’t. That would be saying you don’t agree with what is. B Dearest B, My goodness! The simple answer is, “I like them and wish to support them and I like me when I do that.” And no one is “supposed” to love what is, nor can they, until they are no longer fooled by their minds. I simply do love what is, because I have questioned my stressful thoughts thoroughly enough to know how the mind creates all the suffering in the world. For example, if I were to believe that the earthquake shouldn’t have happened, or if I were to imagine their pain and project it onto myself as though it were mine, it would be borrowing pain that isn’t mine, as well as costing me this amazing state of grace to be one who is freed up and in a position to help. I don’t want to add my false suffering as an aftershock to the Haitians. How would that help anyone? It certainly wouldn’t help them, and it wouldn’t help me be as someone compassionately available and aware enough to see myself and them clearly enough to send support. To send support when I know to do it allows me to join where I want to, and the affect is a guiltless state of mind, one that joins without fear. I realize that the earthquake should have happened, because it did happen (in this dream I call reality). What happened happened, and in my kindest world, what is the best-intentioned wanting? It is “How can I help you, add to you in your time of need when I have no need myself?” That’s it, and nothing in the world can change that truest reality of our most authentic and pure kind nature. I don’t want earthquakes to happen before the fact; but once they happen, that’s what I want. I am a lover of reality. As I often say, when you argue with God, you lose—but only 100% of the time. Stephen gashed his finger the other day and came in and asked me to drive him to the emergency room for stitches. The blood was really gushing out quite strongly. I didn’t say, “Oh, it’s good that it happened, now you can bleed all over your clothes and the rug.” Rather, we hopped into the car, I drove to the hospital, and he got five stitches in his left hand. Actually it was fun, really fun for both of us. The doctor turned out to be a neighbor whom we hadn’t met yet, and Stephen said that he learned something about blood that will be useful when he writes about the Iliad, which is quite bloody. (He is translating the Iliad from ancient Greek. He finds that great fun—which I find hilarious, and very dear.) "Loving what is" doesn’t mean that you are passive. Love is action. It lives from the inside out. It is source. People who are suffering are me, they are my own old self being witnessed—that part of my old mind that hasn’t caught up yet, my mind being witnessed, or, in other words, my mind coming back at me to see what is love and what isn’t yet. My mind, your mind, all mind: the same.. I respond to them (people, mind) with the same kindness as I practice toward myself, when I get up and brush my teeth and feed and water this body of the woman people call Katie. Some believe it and some don’t. When someone comes to me who is suffering, my internal mind’s response and experience is “How can I help?” I don’t think that they shouldn’t be suffering. They are suffering (in their experience, and that makes it real for them as it used to be for “me”). That’s their truth, for the moment and I have mine and theirs is the cause of their suffering until it isn’t. If they are angry or depressed or sad or resentful, I never think that they shouldn’t be feeling what they’re feeling, or that whatever happened to them (as they see it) shouldn’t have happened. I listen. I am available as a “humane” being and friend. I am there to help them question the mind that is creating their suffering. I love that they come to me with an open mind, if they do; and if their mind is not so open, I love that too. Everything is welcome here. I sent money to Haiti because that seemed to me the kind, right-minded thing to do. I just knew to do it. It was a wholehearted response to an invitation to help. That asking is what is, just as the earthquake is what is. Now that the earthquake happened, I love that people asked me for help, and I love love in action and sending money is just one way. Are you metaphorically experiencing an earthquake within you? If so, let’s do The Work. Love, kt PS - see Dr. Paul Farmer's Op-Ed >>

Mutts: All for Love...

2010-02-09T17:04:22Z

Thank you, Patrick! See the full-sized cartoon here >>

Letter from a Soldier

2010-01-27T05:48:50Z

Dear Katie, My name is David. I am a 25 year old man who has been in search of tranquility, serenity, peace, and surrender for the past ten years. About six months ago I really started to work on myself spiritually, I've been trying to become a man that does not judge others and can express unconditional love. I have taken a deep interest in some spiritual teachers such as Ram Dass, Eckhart Tolle, and Thich Nhat Hanh. I understand that presence and surrender can be reached now, but it is still an ongoing challenge for me to create a no mind. There are many helpful tools that you have to offer and many circumstances you discuss that help people out in their everyday situations. I was wondering if you can discuss or post something on a podcast about individuals in the military that are currently deployed in a war zone. This is the circumstance that I am in at this moment. I try to find as much tranquility as possible from my present circumstance, but sometimes it becomes very difficult. I feel that I become very unconscious in a combat situation and my environment is not conducive for presence. I understand what I am asking is probably not going to happen, but its worth a shot. If you do read this email.....thank you. But if you are too busy, I completely understand. Thank you for your time. Respectfully sent, David Dearest David, You can’t create a no-mind, a don’t-know mind; it already exists, and it doesn’t need to be created. In my experience, as we question our stressful thoughts, we begin to experience the no-mind, without effort. It ceases to be something we’re trying to do and begins to be experienced as a natural state of being. Question any thoughts about the future that come to your mind. If the mind believes a stressful thought that is even thirty seconds in the future, it will naturally leave you out of the now, frightened, depressed and lonely. Here are some things you may sometimes feel in your situation. You can question any of them that seem relevant: I’ll never get through this. I don’t know what I’m doing here. This is never going to end. I can’t handle it. I want to go home. I’m going to die here. It’s very important when you’re using the four questions to understand that the moment you stop answering the questions, The Work stops working; for example, as you’re answering, when you notice your mind wanting to defend or justify the concept that you’re questioning, with something like, "Yes, because" or "No, but." Just allow the answers to the first two questions to be your own honest yes or no only, and even though you may be sure that your truth is "yes," for example, allow the "no" equal rights, test it as well, against the first two questions and allow your answer to drop in, to fall into the depths of yourself. Give your answer time to live in you before you continue on to the next question. Allow your feelings fully in the third question, give them time to express themselves completely. Watch, witness, experience how you react when you believe that thought. Be still with the fourth question as well. Notice who you would be without that thought. Who would you be in life if you didn’t believe the thought that you are questioning? Also, when you’re doing the turnarounds, with each turnaround it’s important to find examples of how each turnaround is true in your life. The turnarounds are not meant to be "positive affirmations"; they have to be genuine and real, not manufactured as feel-good (even though some of them really shift your life to an authentic state of "feel-goodness"). There is no internal or external war that cannot be worked through, if peace is your goal. The Work works for those whose minds are open to it, whatever the circumstances. I love that you do The Work for the love of truth, for the love of peace and no other motive. Also, if you fill in Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheets, there are people within the Institute for The Work whose hearts’ desire it would be to facilitate you, at no charge, as a service to you as a soldier. (You can do this through Skype.) Freedom from fear is possible in a war zone, even on a battlefield. I love that you understand that the world, including war zones, is not the problem; what we’re believing about the world is the problem. Our beliefs create our internal war zone, and the end of suffering is possible, one belief at a time, for everyone whose mind is open to this inquiry, The Work. I send you my love and gratitude for your life in this world, and anything that I can do to serve you, please return this email with your request. In deepest gratitude, Loving what is, and that would be you, Byron Katie Dear Katie, I am forever grateful for your email. I really appreciate the fact that you took the time out of your busy schedule for me, it really means a lot! The questions that you mentioned all applied to me, especially the one that states "I'm going to die here." The danger that I have been exposed to has brought up feelings of stress and anxiety. But I have never felt more compelled to be present and at peace, to share love and compassion with fellow service members, locals, and even the enemy. As we all know, war is a terrible unconscious act of humanity as a whole. My acceptance and surrender to this is becoming more apparent every day. Your teachings have really helped me find the tranquility that I have longed for. Thanks again. Sincerely, David

Stand with Haiti

2010-01-15T23:23:16Z

Some people have asked if I've made a donation to help the survivors of the earthquake in Haiti. Yes, to Partners in Health, the organization that has been in Haiti for over 20 years.

A Letter from "A"

2009-12-28T07:33:17Z

Hello Katie and Staff from the school of the work October 2009, My name is A and I was at the last School for the Work. I was the one who brought a companion and had bipolar. During the school I would often go to sleep early so I missed some School. I wanted to just let you know that the School was very beneficial and that I have kept up with my homework and done a lot of good work. There are many things I could share but the main thing is that since the School I have severely reduced panic problems. Before the School I had what is called a Panic Disorder that developed after a severe seizure a couple years ago. My life had become small. I was very tired of suffering with it and I believed there was a better way - I wanted my life back! It was a enormous thing just to get to the school and that in and of itself would have been enough of an accomplishment for me but there was more... something came loose during the graduation ceremony; like the hand that griped my heart just let go; like pulling off a silk scarf, it just slipped away. It happened the moment Sinead O'Connor sang: 'thank you for not hurting me". It was a terrifying sensation, perhaps the worst thing I could imagine happening and so far from my home too. I went up stairs to my room and cried a beautiful cry and my panic disorder was dissipated from then on. For weeks after getting home I waited for it to wear off and for my panic to return; I waited for the other shoe to drop and 2.5 months later...still no problems, I've come to trust it! Can you believe it, its a miracle to me. I can go in the left hand turn lanes, in the drive through lanes, in an elevator, I can leave my house, be in group setting, go to the grocery store and more. I started volunteering at the Humane Society walking the dogs there every week! It is a great source of joy for me. I'm thinking about getting a job too. I just wanted you to know that I got what I came for and thank you for extending a scholarship to me. I'm starting to get what you're teaching and I love you for it. I'm living it. Many 'thank you's :) A

Audio: "I Can't Stand My Best Friend"

2009-12-23T00:47:45Z

Listen to this audio clip: It's a familiar story for many of us. Notice how suffering is always caused when we are believing our own stressful thoughts. And if you are feeling any stress, even the most minute amount of stress, I invite you to identify what you are believing and then to question those thoughts that are always the cause of that stress.

Do The Work: New Year's Mental Cleanse 2009-2010

2009-12-11T20:33:22Z

Start the New Year with greater clarity and freedom. The New Year’s Mental Cleanse is a rare opportunity to spend four enjoyable and transformative days immersed in the power of inquiry with Byron Katie and friends from all over the world. Katie’s untiring commitment, her total accessibility, and the casual atmosphere of the Mental Cleanse are some of the reasons why it has become an eagerly anticipated annual tradition. Sign up now >>

The Work in Rwanda

2009-11-27T18:48:03Z

The landscape of Rwanda is deceptive, hiding a mass grave under beautiful green grass, for example, or abject despair just beneath a smiling face. Some of you have followed the story of Costa in Rwanda - as his family and friends have worked hard to rebuild their country. The Work that Costa is doing is making a difference, as Pamela Grace, Brenda Becker Goodell, Jon Newbill, Isabelle Stahl, Richard Lawrence Cohen, Christina Syndikus, and Paige Tuhey all found out when they visited Costa recently. As the wounds of Rwanda heal, we are reminded that the suffering caused by our thoughts is often worse than physical suffering. The victims relive their anguish over and over again, until they are able to question their thoughts and move on with life. The last newsletter gave us a glimpse of what the experience was like, thanks to photos and accounts from Pamela Grace, Brenda Becker Goodell, Christina Syndikus, and Richard Lawrence Cohen. You can sign up for the Byron Katie Newsletter here >>

Hans Wilhelm on "Tiger, Tiger"

2009-11-16T18:23:37Z

Order here >>

Movie Trailer: Turn It Around with Byron Katie

2009-11-10T23:47:38Z

Learn more >>

A Letter from Soledad Prison

2009-10-29T07:01:12Z

On 09-10-09, I attended Byron Katie’s workshop. The participants were asked, “What is the thing you are most ashamed of in your life?” Like many of my incarcerated peers, I found myself answering Ms. Katie’s question by stating my crime, enduring the labels associated with my crime (i.e. murderer), and the domino effects that my crime has had on so many other people. This would include my victim, my victim’s family, my community, my own family members, and my own unmet potentials in life. A week later I read A Thousand Names for Joy. Through Ms. Katie’s work with my incarcerated peers, many of whom are lifers like me, and after reading this book, I am better able to “turn it around.” I rewrote my initial statement, as if it was written about me by someone else. I redescribed my problem of believing outdated labels (i.e. prisoner, lifer, murderer, etc.). This all resulted in my embracing myself in a more positive manner. I even looked at myself in the mirror, inside my prison cell, and for the first time in my 31 years of incarceration, I came to a more meaningful sense of serenity (peace of mind) and self-realization of who I am as a man. I no longer fear tomorrow, nor carry the weight of yesterday. Instead, I swim in the pool of today’s reality, swimming with the current of today, and even wearing a smile throughout my worthwhile day. Thank you, Ms. Katie for the workshop. Please come back soon and help us help ourselves. C.

WATCH: Byron Katie on Finding Kindness & Questioning Stress

2009-10-20T05:43:23Z

Forgiveness Workshop in Ojai, California in September 2009

Kripalu 2009: Special Moments

2009-10-15T16:19:45Z

Thank you for passing on peace by being who you are without your old unquestioned beliefs. I love to pass on to you the invitation to do The Work with any and all unkind thoughts that arise within your mind and to continue, for the love of peace, to undream your unkind world, by questioning what you are believing. The Work leaves your world always kinder, kinder, kinder as the world arises in your experience. Do you gossip? Do you criticize others before you test it within yourself and take care of your own chaos? You can finally change us by changing yourself, and the Work is the key to the changes for us that you have always wanted. The next School of You is coming up in just a few days. Click here to register, or call 1-888-98-KATIE (52843). There are several payment options available for this October School—just ask.

Katie Koans

2009-09-17T15:56:27Z

Stephen has been collecting a few dialogues between us, which he calls "Katie koans." I don't know anything about the Zen tradition—or about any other spiritual tradition, for that matter—but he says that these delight him like the dialogues of the ancient Chinese Zen masters. He loves being the "straight man." --- Once, shortly after he met me, Stephen was returning to our restaurant table from the men’s room. Katie: Did you have a wonderful time? Stephen: (Silence, dumbfounded, dazzled.) --- Out walking on a spring day in Aspen, Colorado. Katie: Don’t you love what the wind says as it moves among the branches? Stephen: What does it say? Katie: Nothing. That’s what I love about it. --- Introducing him to a friend: Katie: This is my husband, Stephen. He still thinks he’s Jewish. (Stephen breaks into a smile.) --- After we both got pneumonia vaccine shots, I read to Stephen a flyer that warned, “As with any medicine, there is a very small risk that serious problems, even death, could occur after getting a vaccine.” Stephen (smiling): I hope you don’t die. Katie: You don’t ever wish me well, do you? Stephen: I’m so selfish.