Video: He Owes Me

A woman has been upset for six and a half years because the father of her children hasn’t paid child-support. Watch as a wife and mother finds that she has the perfect husband and father of her children, if only her mind wouldn’t tell her otherwise. Her story is our story. Her many thoughts around the “unsettled” debt have made it impossible for her to see the person in front of her.  Her turnarounds are deeply challenging and, for her, a powerful opening of the heart. To bring one turnaround home to each of us, Katie finds examples in her own life.

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Video: Your Partners Flaws Are Your Own…

“If my partner has a flaw, who is believing that?” Byron Katie says. “Where’s the flaw? If I’m the one seeing it, I am its creator.”

Katie offers a personal example of how we project our flaws onto others. With the eyes of love, she can see her ex-husband standing before her, perfect, acting in a way that other people think is unacceptable. Through self-inquiry, we too can see our partners clearly, without the filter of our judgments.

 

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Video: He Won’t Forget The Past

A woman is devastated because her fiance has called off their wedding, calling her a whore. Through inquiry, the confusion about who was clinging to the past is cleared. When she discovers what actually happened rather than her story of it, her shame and anger change to delight.

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Video: He Lied To Me

A man investigates his grievances about the lies a friend has been telling him and in doing so, he makes an astonishing discovery. He sees that all his wounds are self-inflicted, all his suffering is caused by his own unexamined thoughts. Inquiry provides him with the integrity and kindness he was demanding from his friend. “Give me a world of liars,” Katie says, “if that’s the way to my own peace.”

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Video: Self-Inquiry or Self-Denial?

Amanda is feeling angry at The Work. She is believing that because of The Work her needs are not being met in her marriage. “When I think about The Work, I feel angry that I have to give up my position that I’m right that my needs are not getting met,” she says. “No matter what I think or feel, The Work leads me to invalidate it.”

In the course of her discussion with Byron Katie, it becomes apparent that Amanda has misunderstood the turnaround, which is a way of experiencing the opposite of what you believe. “If I believe he’s not giving me enough affection, and I try to believe the opposite,” Katie says, “that’s just a con job, and we can’t con ourselves.”

Maybe, after deep inquiry, Amanda will discover that she really isn’t getting the affection she wants from her husband. But that doesn’t leave her powerless, Katie says. Alternatives become obvious once the pre-determined agenda is set aside and the mind becomes clear.

The value of The Work, Katie says, is in its answers. The deeper the investigation, the clearer the answers. “You don’t answer the questions to change your mind. It’s not a self-help thing. It’s an exploration to know ourselves better.”

 

 

Video: I Need Mom to Accept My Bisexuality

I Need Mom to Accept My Bisexuality

A young woman says that she needs her mother to accept that she is attracted to women.

With Byron Katie’s help, she questions this thought and realizes that it isn’t true. And if she didn’t believe it, she realizes, she would feel whole and strong.

Without the need for approval, Katie says, not only would she be comfortable, but she would be intimate with her mother. “When you don’t need her approval, you can be there for her. You can say, ‘Mom, tell me more. Are you hurt because I prefer women? Do you think this will embarrass you? I want you to know I love you, and I’m going to be there for you. And I understand if you don’t approve of me. It was really scary for me, and I’m still scared.’ Give her the time that you gave yourself.”

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Video: Introduction to The Work of Byron Katie—He Owes Me

He hasn’t paid child-support in six and a half years. Is it true? Watch as a wife and mother finds that she has the perfect husband and father of her children, if only her mind wouldn’t tell her otherwise. Her story is our story. Her many thoughts around the “unsettled” debt have made it impossible for her to see the person in front of her. Her turnarounds are deeply challenging and, for her, a powerful opening of the heart. To bring one turnaround home to each of us, Katie finds examples in her own life.

In this brief video, the four questions and turnarounds of The Work are clearly outlined for the concept “He owes me.” This is a wonderful reference tool for anyone who wants to understand The Work better, or for those just beginning to use The Work.

1.  Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
2.  Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
3.  How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4.  Who would you be without the thought?

Download the Facilitation Guide for helpful supporting questions: http://thework.com/sites/thework/downloads/worksheets/facilitationguide_Eng.pdf

Download a free intro to The Work: http://thework.com/sites/thework/downloads/little_book/English_LB.pdf

Do The Work:  http://thework.com/do-work

For the full length version: https://youtu.be/B1KpCZGWbL8