Video: “Your partner’s flaws are your own, because you’re projecting them.”

Katie offers a personal example of how we project our flaws onto others. With the eyes of love, she can see her ex-husband standing before her, perfect, acting in a way that other people think is unacceptable. Through self-inquiry, we too can see our partners clearly, without the filter of our judgments.

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  1. I need help with this. My husband has a serious drinking problem. I love him desperately. How am I projecting this problem on him? Do I have the drinking problem? How do I do the work with this problem?
    When I get to the part about who’s business am I in, I run into a problem because he is my husband, my partner, the father of my children. How can I not be worried about his business? He is a reflection of my life!
    He drinks and drives, he drinks and drives with our children in the car!
    I love him and I do not want to leave him. I don’t want a life without him. How do I find peace? Please help me.
    Thank you.

  2. it will take me a while to turn my thoughts around for I seem to see the flaws in a family member and dwell on them to much.
    Like the idea of “when I attack I am really showing or experiencing my own flaws.” That is a good step to start with as I continue to think this through.

  3. I see it as an issue that you are as involved (addicted) to worrying about your husband as he is addicted to alcohol. You are absolutely in your husband’s business when you are worrying about his drinking because it is in fact *his* drinking not yours.
    I think maybe the first of your statements that I would take to a Judge-Your-Neighbor worksheet is where you say My husband is a reflection of my life. Do The Work on that and see if it helps you gain some clarity to then tackle the other statements

  4. In the spirit of inquiry, a possibility is that you do have a “drinking problem” as you don’t know what to do about how your husband’s drinking affects your life. It may be “his business” to an extent but if he drives drunk with your children that is your business too. And time is of the essence in this situation of driving drunk with children.

  5. I recently was engaged to a beautiful, fun and amazing girl, who I adored so much and I wanted to love her and be with her for the rest of my life! However, she seems to have deep wounds and she cannot forgive people or move forward and they appear to be causing her some serious insecurity and anxiety. Some have told me it could be borderline personality order? And after looking into it they might be correct it explains a lot of her actions, beliefs and behaviors. then not to long ago on the new year weekend which happen to be my daughters birthday she decided not to go with me and my daughter up skiing. the day before she was texting me expressing her love and making wedding plans. Then literally the next day was taking off the ring and breaking up with me because I stayed at a friends house with my kids who she did not approve of. now she wont speak to me at all and is making false accusation’s about me in a small town, and all of it has really hurt me, but I only find myself wanting to help her so that some day she can be healthy and happy. I really feel like your work program could help us both but I don’t know how or if I even should present it to her? I was deeply in love with her and know I just want it to go away. Sorry I know this is not on point with the original question.

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